**43**

A gust of wind blew from somewhere, making the tree branches rustle and shake. A loud bang came from a door that hadn’t been closed tightly. Neighbors rushed upstairs from downstairs, shouting, “Bring in the clothes, bring in the clothes!” Someone leaned out from their home, laughing and responding, “Hurry up, the rain is coming!”

A scene of lively, everyday hustle and bustle.

Yet it couldn’t warm the icy cold silence that filled this room.

What kind of life was that? How dark and desperate must it have been? Just thinking about it made Chi Shengguang struggle to breathe. Her whole body tensed up, a tremendous wave of heartache and resentment swelling in her chest, as if she was about to explode. She was furious like a lion trapped in a cage, wishing she could tear apart everyone who had hurt Ruan Yinmeng.

Ruan Yinmeng held her tightly clenched fist: “It’s okay now, it’s all okay, don’t be angry.”

Chi Sheng’s hand was trembling, and Ruan Yinmeng gently wrapped it. There was no resentment on her face; if there had been, she would have been bitter about the past decade or so long ago. Her eyes held only an overwhelming sadness and a gentle comfort for Chi Sheng.

Outside, the noisy neighbors had somehow quieted down and returned to their own homes. The torrential rain poured down, blurring the window with its pattering, making the room even darker.

Ruan Yinmeng gently patted Chi Sheng’s hand and softly said, “Good boy.”

When Chi Sheng lowered his eyes and nodded, she went to turn on the light.

As soon as the light was on, the room felt like a small refuge amid the storm. The moment she returned, Chi Sheng tightly held her hand, trying to give her some support.

Ruan Yin dreamed of relaxing, but the facts were too heavy, weighing on her heart for so many years, as if they had grown into her flesh and blood, and when unfolded, it was a bloody mess.

“I can’t remember how old I was. I was playing at the doorstep when a man passing by looked around to make sure no one was there. He bent down in front of me, placed his hand on my shoulder, and reached toward my neck. I was scared and couldn’t break free, crying out for her… calling my mom. She came out, saw what was happening, stood at the door for a long time, then said coldly, ‘It’s possible, but you have to pay.’”

This is the source of all nightmares.

Ruan Yinmeng remembered the hand reaching into her neck, sticky and filthy, like a snake flicking its tongue. She remembered her mother’s eyes flickering as she took a few crumpled bills.

This was a day she never dared to recall, never dared to think about, never dared to touch. But Chi Sheng had said she wanted to understand her past. Ruan Yinmeng’s heart completely opened to her, laying herself bare before her without hiding a single detail.

“She was addicted to gambling and drugs, always needing money, so she locked me up at home as a tool to make money. I never went to school, never saw the outside world, didn’t know what a normal life was like. I just felt dirty, dirty beyond washing, like being pressed into a mud pit, never able to get out.”

She tried to downplay it, avoiding the truly cruel details, but Chi Sheng still glimpsed the torment she endured during those helpless youthful years.

Ruan Yinmeng caught Chi Sheng’s gaze and saw how tightly she was clenching her teeth. Her heart softened involuntarily, and forgetting her own pain, she racked her brain to find moments in those excruciating memories that were not so unbearable, hoping to comfort Chi Sheng.

In the end, she really did find some. She slightly relaxed her tone: “It wasn’t all bad; there were good times too.”

Once, I was lying on the windowsill looking outside and saw a little girl coming home from school. She was carrying a backpack, wearing a clean floral dress, with her hair tied in twin ponytails, hopping along outside. She stopped by the fig tree, reached out to grab the fruit, looking up with a smiling, innocent, and pure face. Her small face seemed to glow, and she was bathed in sunlight.

The little girl picked the fruit and left, unaware that behind a window in the building nearby, a girl her age was staring at her without blinking, as if witnessing the most precious and beautiful scene in the world. She kept watching intently until the girl walked away and disappeared, never taking her eyes off her, deeply imprinting the moment in her mind.

At that time, she didn’t understand what envy meant; she just felt that everything about that little girl held an immense attraction for her.

A backpack, a pair of clean eyes, walking freely under the sunlight—these were what she wanted most, and what she could never reach.

She wanted Chi Sheng not to be so sad, but after saying that, her hand was firmly grasped, and she was tightly embraced in a not very spacious hug.

Chi Sheng used all his strength to hold her tightly, feeling so heartbroken that he didn’t know what to do.

Ruan Yinmeng was dazed, and it took her a while to react. Saying this memory, which was a bright spot in her life, didn’t make Chi Sheng feel more at ease; instead, it made her seem pitiful. Her most precious memory was actually just a fragment of an ordinary girl’s life, secretly seen from behind a dark, windowless place.

Ruan Yinmeng was lost in thought for a while before hurriedly composing herself and continuing to speak.

Later on, she accumulated a lot of gambling debts and had to pawn me off. I never saw her again. It was only the following year that I heard she was walking on the road at night, had a drug relapse, fell into the river, and died.

When Chi Sheng heard that she had died by falling into the river, he finally breathed a sigh of relief, but his heart quickly tightened again because Ruan Yinmeng’s nightmare was far from over.

Ruan Yinmeng’s voice lowered: “I escaped, but it was hard. I was soon caught and brought back. I was beaten and scared, Chi Sheng. You are so resilient and brave; you might not understand that when no matter how hard you try, it’s useless, people will give in. I never went to school, and no one taught me what is good or evil. I dreamed of leaving that place, of being under the sunlight, but I didn’t dare to confront them head-on anymore.”

She seemed to be telling a story, yet also explaining to Chi Sheng that she hadn’t fallen willingly. She had fought back and never gave up. She was born covered in filth, dirty, unclean, but her pride, her backbone, had never broken.

She explained, but her words were full of futility, because her little boy was so pure, pure without a trace of gloom, and no matter how much she struggled, she couldn’t wash away the filth of the past. She was truly afraid that Chi Sheng would be tainted by the dirt on her, afraid of bringing misfortune to his bright and smooth life.

But Chi Sheng held her tightly without any hint of disdain. She pressed her face against his temple, lingering close. She didn’t interrupt her, but she wanted Ruan Yinmeng to know that she was no longer alone.

Ruan Yinmeng obediently leaned against her: “I’ve almost paid back the money, so they haven’t been watching me so closely. I moved out of the dormitory because I wanted to see what the outside world is like.”

Chi Sheng recalled the neighbors’ gossip about her, and her heart was instantly crushed to dust. She had tried so hard to get out, to live a normal life, but even after leaving that place, the world was still hostile to her, still full of insults and disdain.

But Ruan Yinmeng didn’t care. She had been through too much; a few whispered slanders behind her back couldn’t bother her.

I bought a lot of books and read them one by one. I begged the customers to teach me how to read. When they were in a good mood, they taught me a few characters. Over the years, I’ve accumulated quite a bit.

She said this, showing a hint of shame: “There are many things I don’t understand, but I still love reading them.”

Then, I met you. You have no idea how much you attract me. I can’t control myself from getting close to you, deliberately seducing you, knowing I should stay away, yet unable to resist being addicted.

A backpack, a pair of clear eyes, walking freely under the sunlight. This was the most beautiful and obsessive place in Ruan Yinmeng’s heart. Chi Sheng matched it all—she could draw, was a good student, her eyes were bright and clear, and she herself was like a little sun.

Ruan Yinmeng was completely defenseless against her, even though she knew it was wrong, knew that someone as corrupted as her should stay away from Chi Sheng, but she couldn’t control herself.

She told Chi Sheng about her past without reservation in just a few words.

She stepped back a little, wanting to see how Chi Sheng viewed her, but he followed her closely, unwilling to let go at all. In the end, they could only press their foreheads together, their breaths mingling.

So before she even spoke, her heart had already softened. Those heavy past memories, tangled in Chi Sheng’s reluctant embrace, no longer seemed so shocking—they became truly part of the past.

Ruan Yinmeng should have felt happy, but when she spoke, she still couldn’t help but say, “Chi Sheng, liking me will be very hard. Are you really sure?”

Chi Sheng nodded without a second thought: “I’ve made up my mind. I like you, and I won’t regret it.”

Ruan Yinmeng curved her lips, but tears fell down. She couldn’t help but say, “Think it over again.” As if afraid that Chi Sheng would be deceived, she anxiously considered her, “You don’t know, I’m very troublesome. What if you don’t like me anymore in the future, and I cling to you, not letting you go? Also…”

She used to be able to say the word prostitute casually, but now, she couldn’t say it in front of Chi Sheng. She always felt ashamed.

Also… getting out of this life isn’t that easy. I don’t know anything, I don’t even have an elementary school diploma. I would definitely hold you back. Besides, you’re a college student, and if you’re with me, people will gossip. You should like someone as outstanding as you…

She had so many worries, sincerely feeling that Chi Sheng shouldn’t like her at all, but as she spoke, she began to feel wronged. She used to get angry, furious, powerless, and hateful, but never wronged, because no one ever cared for her. Yet now, like a little girl, she looked at Chi Sheng with a sour expression, afraid that she liked her, and afraid that she didn’t.

But she quickly couldn’t continue, because Chi Sheng kissed her eyes, wiping away her tears.

He cared for her so deeply, murmuring softly, “I won’t regret it. I like you, and I’m so glad you like me too. Otherwise, what would I do?”

Ruan Yinmeng had such a past full of scars and wounds; if she hadn’t first opened her heart to her, Chi Sheng would have had no chance of entering her heart.

Soft lips sucked at her eyes, kissing the skin beneath them.

Skin touching skin, desire intertwining—this was clearly what Ruan Yinmeng was best at, yet at this moment she forgot all her skills, simply closing her eyes to welcome Chisheng’s kiss.

The bedroom was too far away, even a few more steps were too much; on the sofa, Chisheng couldn’t wait any longer. She held Ruan Yinmeng’s slender waist tightly, biting her lips, enveloping her sobs and low moans.

She knew that Ruan Yinmeng had many anxieties and that their future path would be difficult, but she was not afraid. She hoped Ruan Yinmeng wouldn’t be afraid either.

Ruan Yinmeng hooked her arms around her neck, lifting herself up and giving herself to Chi Sheng without reservation. She squinted her eyes, panting, naturally exuding a soft and intoxicating charm, perfectly innate.

She had never been this happy before. It wasn’t just her body; her whole heart felt like it was floating in the clouds. Her body rose and fell, her eyes filled with an unbreakable love, gazing obsessively at Chi Sheng, who was equally captivated by her, looking at her with unwavering affection.

Until the end, she tilted her neck back, sobbing as she followed Chi Sheng to the clouds. Tears slid down from the corners of her eyes. She held her tightly, desperately, as if sacrificing herself, pressing her body close.

“Chi Sheng, Chi Sheng…” She murmured his name, over and over again.