**39**

Ning Zhi couldn’t stand such silence, as if Shen Yizhi had nothing to talk about with her after being together for a while.

She took the initiative to start a conversation, returning to the previous topic: “I’ve long since stopped being restless in bed.”

She’s constantly on the move now, often having to change her resting place, forcing herself to adapt, and has long since become numb to it.

An important sign of growing up is compromise.

People always have to compromise on something, whether it’s habits, hobbies, or choices; more or less, for various reasons, they force themselves to do things they don’t want to do.

Fixing the habit of being a restless sleeper was probably the most trivial compromise.

But Shen Yizhi felt inexplicably wistful. Ning Zhi had a stubborn streak in his nature—whether it was how, as a child, the neighbors gossiped behind her back and she became more reclusive and indifferent to them, or how he was so obsessed with liking her that he refused to change his mind no matter what. Shen Yizhi always felt that this person wouldn’t change easily.

She didn’t know where all these feelings were coming from, but a thought suddenly arose in her heart—she really had grown up.

During this time, she noticed many details that showed Ning Zhi had grown up. She was still the same as before, with some familiar expressions and gestures just like before, but she was also different from the past. It was a change that Shen Yizhi couldn’t quite put into words, a transformation only time could bring about.

She suddenly felt a great regret; she originally had the chance to be part of the time that shaped Ning Zhi’s transformation.

She nodded and said, “Hmm, why aren’t you asleep yet?” Seeing the cup in her hand, she asked, “Thirsty?”

Half of the water was already drunk. Shen Yizhi tapped the side of the cup and said, “Drink it warm, don’t drink cold water.”

Ning Zhi made an “oh” sound, her gaze involuntarily drifting over Shen Yizhi’s body. She must have just gotten up after hearing the noise outside. The wrinkles on her light blue cotton pajamas were obvious, and her long hair draped over her shoulders was a bit messy, completely unlike her meticulous daytime appearance.

But this kind of Shen Yizhi was more approachable, closer to the image she remembered.

Ning Zhi suddenly felt the urge to confide. She held back for a moment, telling herself not to say too much, but in front of Shen Yizhi, she could never control herself.

She asked, “Do you remember the other day when I asked you if I were like Chi Sheng, persistently chasing after you, would the outcome be different?”

Shen Yizhi couldn’t guess what she wanted to say and just felt that what came next wouldn’t be what she wanted to hear. She suddenly felt uneasy but still kept a calm expression and nodded, saying, “I remember.”

Ning Zhi smiled slightly, then said, “You didn’t give me a definite answer back then, but now I’ve figured it out myself. The result is the same—you would still reject me.”

She hit the mark. Shen Yizhi opened his mouth but found himself unable to respond.

“The difference between me and Chi Sheng is that Ruan Yinmeng likes her, but you don’t like me, so she insists there will be a result, while if I insist, I will probably only be hated by you even more.” Ning Zhi had figured it out herself, but she wasn’t too upset because subconsciously she was prepared to accept any answer.

Shen Yizhi couldn’t deny it; she could only grasp the last bit and said softly, “I have never hated you.”

Ning Zhi’s expression became strange, reminding Shen Yizhi of their last conversation six years ago, making the words “never hated you” instantly lose all credibility.

I…” Shen Yizhi’s voice became awkward, still trying to explain, “I was very angry at the time, angry that you didn’t take your future seriously, angry that you couldn’t distinguish priorities, and at your stubbornness. I spoke harshly without thinking; I didn’t really hate you.

Ning Zhi’s fingers curled slightly around the water cup.

The previous times it was mentioned, it was only touched on lightly, just skimming the surface, and no one dared to dig deeper. But now, on a quiet night, in an unfamiliar hotel, under a dim light, they sat together and finally brought up old matters, talking about Ning Zhi’s youthful and naive first crush.

“At that time, on one hand, I was angry that you ruined the relationship between us, wondering if you, being only fourteen, really understood what liking someone meant, or if it was just an illusion caused by being too dependent on me. On the other hand, I couldn’t bear to completely cut off contact with you, so every time you called me, I would answer, but hearing your voice, I couldn’t help but blame you,” Shen Yizhi said slowly.

That’s how the situation kept getting worse. She couldn’t help but prick Ning Zhi, asking if she really knew what liking someone meant, asking if she was mistaken. Essentially, she hoped Ning Zhi could return to the way their relationship used to be.

But Ning Zhi was very stubborn and refused to change her words. Shen Yizhi didn’t even have the chance to deceive herself and was forced to admit that Ning Zhi was truly attracted to her, not just a curious experiment of a young teenager experiencing first love.

She hesitated about cutting off contact with her. The reluctance was real. She had sincerely cared for her all these years, feeling heartbroken that she had no parents to love her, so she paid extra attention to her. No matter how busy she was, she never missed her birthday. Whatever she wanted, even if she only mentioned it once casually, she kept it in her heart. Knowing she was being ostracized by classmates at school, she was more anxious than anyone else.

She was in a dilemma at the time and had thought many times about how such a soft, marshmallow-like child could treat her this way. When she kept saying she liked her, did she not consider her feelings at all?

Until that rear-end collision, Ning Zhi had called her many times, but when she called back saying she was fine, Ning Zhi didn’t ask further and just said it was good that she was okay.

Shen Yizhi heard the worry in her voice and instinctively tapped her again, saying that even if something really happened to her, there was nothing she could do.

Ning Zhi didn’t argue and finally just said, then you should rest well.

Her voice was immature, carrying a sadness and heaviness not fitting for her age. Shen Yizhi realized she was sinking deeper and deeper; they had to end it, they couldn’t keep dragging it out like this.

At that moment, she received a call from the homeroom teacher complaining.

When dissatisfaction accumulates too much, an outburst is just a moment away.

“Don’t you hate me?” Ning Zhi asked cautiously.

Shen Yizhi shook her head.

It was like being suddenly pricked by a fine needle—somewhat painful, yet surprising. Ning Zhi didn’t know what to say for a moment, her heart filled with the realization that she wasn’t actually disliked.

Joy came very slowly, like a frozen person feeling warmth—both slow and greedy.

She curved her lips and couldn’t help but say, “Do you know? I had a dream where I turned into a little dog, and you took me home. You liked me so much, playing with me every day, taking me to run on the grass, bringing me everywhere. After waking up, I actually thought being your dog wasn’t bad. I could nuzzle you with my furry head to make you happy, and protect you. If any bad guys came near you, I’d scare them away. Being your dog is really nice—no freedom, but I don’t mind.”

Her eyes sparkled as if she were talking about something very joyful, but as soon as she finished, she suddenly realized something was wrong. How could she let Shen Yizhi know about such a pathological feeling?

The vanished alertness returned. She reflexively feared seeing a look of disgust on Shen Yizhi’s face, quickly smiled, and said in a light tone, “Isn’t it pretty twisted? Did I scare you?”

That bit of warmth hadn’t had time to spread before the cold returned, and she turned back into the person frozen stiff.

She didn’t dare look at Shen Yizhi, pretending to play casually with the cup in her hands.

Her hair was tousled from sleep, with a few strands sticking up. Under the soft light, it cast a faint shadow, making it look fluffy. Her ears were round, truly resembling a soft, smooth little puppy.

Shen Yizhi couldn’t help but raise his hand to touch her hair.

Ning Zhi raised his eyes alertly to look at her, his eyes wide open, and the soft little dog suddenly showed a somewhat fierce look, as if ready to bite at any moment.

It made Shen Yizhi think of stray dogs that had been hurt and hidden away, no longer daring to approach humans.

Shen Yizhi’s hand gesture paused, then changed downward, touching her shoulder lightly, as if startled her, and said gently, “Very cute.”

Ning Zhi pressed her lips together, revealing a small dimple. She quickly glanced at Shen Yizhi. Even though she was happy to be praised, the layer of defense built up over the years still rose: “That’s all in the past. I was immature and had wild thoughts before, but not anymore. I stopped liking you a long time ago.”

Shen Yizhi had heard her say many times that she didn’t like her and wouldn’t like her, but never once had it been as painful as it was now.

“Can you be a little more sensible?”

These were the very words she had said to Ning Zhi. Now Ning Zhi admitted she had been immature before, and as she wished, she had become sensible, no longer liking her, no longer having wild thoughts. Yet Shen Yizhi felt not a trace of joy.

She personally strangled a purely innocent affection that liked her and was infatuated with her six years ago.

The sudden silence of Shen Yizhi made Ning Zhi a little uneasy. She thought of something and said with a smile, “I studied very hard later and even participated in competitions to earn a guaranteed admission.”

She paused and realized that in this aspect, she was somewhat similar to Chi Sheng.

“But once, when I was playing guitar at a music store, the owner said, ‘Why don’t you try pursuing music?’ When I heard that, I was a bit moved, so I went home and discussed it with my grandma. She supported me, so I repeated a year, got into the music academy, and then last summer I participated in that variety show.”

She spoke as if reporting the past six years of her life, trying to prove to Shen Yizhi that she had listened to her advice and stopped daydreaming, but as she went on, she became happier.

“Now a lot of people like me.”

As she spoke, she took out her phone and proudly opened her fan forum to show Shen Yizhi.

Ning Zhi’s super topic has a great atmosphere and high influence; everyone and every topic inside revolves around Ning Zhi.

Shen Yizhi saw a Weibo post: “It’s so hot today, I wonder if Zaizai has heatstroke.” Such a simple sentence had over a thousand comments; everyone was very worried about Ning Zhi.

Being a celebrity is a job that suits Ning Zhi very well. Essentially, she is someone who needs a lot of love and recognition to fill the void left by her childhood. Having so many people supporting and liking her gives her the courage to firmly continue on her own path.

Shen Yizhi thought about how that void was once filled by her, but later she left, and now many people have taken her place.

She suddenly felt a panic rising in her chest. She was following her plan step by step, intending to wait until the film wrapped, when they all stepped out of their roles, to then discuss their matters.

But why should Ning Zhi listen to her? She no longer needed her.