**36**

Chi Sheng didn’t know how she got back. She was in a daze the whole way, unaware of what she was thinking or doing. That part of her memory felt as if it had been drained away; all she knew was that she had unknowingly returned home.

Grandma asked her something, but she didn’t hear clearly. It seemed like she replied, “I’m going to sleep,” or maybe not. She closed the bedroom door, turned on the light, and pulled out the chair at the desk to sit down.

Her body trembled uncontrollably. She clenched her fists and took several deep breaths, but still couldn’t calm down.

Knowing was one thing, but actually seeing it with her own eyes was another.

She couldn’t accept it.

She sat in the chair until dawn, and just before daybreak, Ruan Yinmeng went home.

She went upstairs, deciding to talk with Ruan Yinmeng.

Ruan Yinmeng’s family portrait was covered at the door just like last time, indicating they had guessed she would come.

But this time, Chi Sheng didn’t feel the same joy and sweetness; instead, she had a bad premonition. Since Ruan Yinmeng had anticipated her visit, she had naturally prepared how to deal with her.

But her emotions were too unstable to care about any of that; her mind was completely focused on getting Ruan Yinmeng to leave that place.

Ruan Yinmeng was changing her shoes and glanced at her. Whether it was because of her makeup or the angle and lighting, Chi Sheng felt a weariness on her, a kind of weariness and negativity that only someone who has been through many hardships would have.

But that feeling disappeared when Ruan Yinmeng straightened up and looked down at her from above. She slipped into her usual casual posture: “What do you want to say?”

They formed a standoff, and Chi Sheng had no chance of winning. Ruan Yinmeng had never compromised with her. She seemed to be covered in a hard shell that no one could break through, and Chi Sheng was powerless.

But Chi Sheng was no longer willing to endure.

“Don’t do this anymore,” she said.

She finally said these words. Her hand hanging by her side was trembling, but she still faced Ruan Yinmeng with the bravest and most resolute attitude.

“There are many jobs you can do,” she said again.

As she spoke, the scene she had witnessed with her own eyes flashed through her mind again—the man’s hand almost reaching under Ruan Yinmeng’s clothes, with so many people coming and going watching, yet he showed such disrespect. What dignity is there in this job? No matter how much money you make, what’s the point?

She hadn’t slept all night and had thought it through carefully. Recently, she had encountered many obstacles looking for work herself and had come to understand some of the difficulties of life.

So she said earnestly, “It might be tough at first, but if you persist, things will get better. It’s definitely better than what you’re doing now. Besides, I will also…”

Ruan Yinmeng impatiently interrupted her, “From what position are you speaking to me?”

That one sentence left Chi Sheng speechless.

She had wanted to advise Ruan Yinmeng for a long time, but the only reason she had held back until now was because she had no standing.

To Ruan Yinmeng, she was nobody, so her words naturally carried no weight and only made her seem meddlesome.

But after seeing it with her own eyes, Chi Sheng really couldn’t care about those things anymore. She couldn’t stand the person she liked being treated so lightly by others. She looked into Ruan Yinmeng’s eyes and said, “I like you. My position is that I sincerely want you to live well, to live with dignity. Other jobs might be more tiring, but if we rely on our hands and hard work, at least we can have peace of mind.”

Ruan Yinmeng let out a snicker, casually leaning against the nearby cabinet, her gaze playful: “So you’re here to be the savior. I never realized you had this hobby.”

She completely dismissed it, making Chi Sheng seem meddlesome and ridiculous.

Chi Sheng tossed and turned all night. She knew her words weren’t very convincing, but she was still angered by Ruan Yinmeng’s indifferent attitude.

The scene in front of the club flashed through her mind again. She said coldly, “Do you want to continue sinking into self-destruction like this?”

The words “self-destruction” stabbed at Ruan Yinmeng’s nerves. She nodded, then laughed, “Yeah, I plan to keep sinking into self-destruction, keep doing this. Do you have a problem with that?”

After speaking, she thought for a moment and then asked, “I haven’t taken any money from you, have I?”

Chi Sheng was momentarily stunned by her question, then she widened her eyes in disbelief. Ruan Yinmeng seemed not to notice the pain in her eyes and said to herself, “I see you’re young, so I didn’t charge you, but you’re no different from them.”

Chi Sheng could hardly stand; she steadied herself against the door behind her, her face ashen as she asked, “Am I no different from them?”

Ruan Yinmeng felt something peeling away inside her, as if the most precious thing in her life was about to be lost. From now on, she would never meet another Chi Sheng who cherished and loved her like a treasure; she would never encounter anyone like that again in her life.

She forced herself to look at Chi Sheng indifferently, looking into those clean and pure eyes—those eyes without a trace of gloom or impurity—that had captivated her on that fleeting night.

She suppressed the overwhelming tenderness and reluctance in her heart, casually retorting, “What’s the difference? Don’t you also want to be with me?”

Chi Sheng never thought she would be subjected to such humiliation. She almost unconsciously asked again, “Is that how you see me?”

Is that how Ruan Yinmeng sees her?

She looked around the room. They had known each other for over a month and had been together many times—on the chair, on the sofa, **.

She had touched Ruan Yinmeng’s lips, painted for her, recited an English poem to her, sped through the streets carrying her, and told her she wanted to be with her.

Ruan Yinmeng had tolerated her avoidance in front of others, had personally washed her clothes, held her while sleeping, and gently touched her eyes.

They had looked into each other’s eyes countless times in the dim hallway, had smelled each other’s scent, they were clearly so close, and clearly Ruan Yinmeng cared about her so much.

Yet at this moment, she said, “You are no different from them.”

Ruan Yinmeng’s heart trembled at her question, but she recalled the scene in front of the club; such a moment had already been seen by Chi Shengdu. What was there left to fear?

She was always that kind of person.

She steeled herself and said the most hurtful things she could think of: “Or what? Just a kid, you’re meddling too much. If you didn’t care so much, I might have been able to tolerate you a little longer. After all, being with a young, beautiful girl is definitely much more comfortable than with some old man with a beer belly.”

Her harsh and cruel words poured into Chi Sheng’s ears, causing a roaring in his head. He leaned against the door, the color draining completely from his face.

Ruan Yinmeng knew that a boy like Chi Sheng was the most fearless, the most brave, the most reckless. Relying on her passionate love, she dared to leap into the abyss, but she had no idea what lay at the bottom.

It was useless to persuade or scold her. The only way was to make her give up, to let her know that her love and persistence had never been cherished. She loved the wrong person. The woman in front of her was vulgar and heartless, not worth her affection at all.

Chi’s bright red eyes were bloodshot. As soon as she spoke, her voice was already choked with sobs. She wiped her eyes and grabbed Ruan Yinmeng’s wrist: “What you’re saying is useless. You’re deliberately provoking me, I can tell. I won’t be fooled by you. I know what kind of person you are.”

She spoke with certainty, but her eyes were full of pleading and panic, begging Ruan Yinmeng to stop talking, begging her to leave some dignity between them.

But Ruan Yinmeng was determined to make her give up completely.

She laughed as if she had heard something ridiculous, forcibly pulling her hand out of Chi Sheng’s grasp.

Last time you said you knew what kind of person I am, I found that laughable. Where do you get the confidence?” She precisely found Chi Sheng’s weak spot, cutting deep to completely kill the only spark of affection she had ever felt in her life. “Chi Sheng, you’re not young anymore. Can’t you tell if it’s genuine or fake? If I liked you, why would I make you wait outside all night, not even give you the key? If I liked you, how could I not feel guilty or nervous when you saw that scene at the clubhouse entrance today? If I liked you, how could I bear to say these things to you?

Chi Sheng shook her head, trying in vain to argue, but she saw the impatience on Ruan Yinmeng’s face, sharp as a knife stabbing into her heart.

Chi Sheng was not stupid; sometimes she was so smart and perceptive that she didn’t even seem like a seventeen-year-old. She looked pale at Ruan Yinmeng, and while being hurt to the core, she struggled to regain some clarity. She understood that Ruan Yinmeng said these hurtful words to force her to give up. She didn’t want her affection or sincerity. To her, Chi Sheng was a burden. If she didn’t get the hint and kept clinging on, she would probably become an unwanted, inescapable burden that everyone disliked.

She came to her senses, as if a few strands of her soul had separated, floating above like an outsider watching the scene, seeing the harsh annoyance on Ruan Yinmeng’s face, who said mercilessly, “I’ve served so many customers, but none have been as clingy and sticky as you, it’s utterly annoying.”

Outside, the sky was about to brighten. Like any other day, the sun rose, shining over the earth, and people left yesterday behind to welcome a new day.

But Chi Sheng couldn’t see where her future lay. She held Ruan Yinmeng dearly in her heart, longing for a future with them, yet that future was now completely shattered by Ruan Yinmeng.

Her dream had woken up and could no longer continue.

She walked out of Ruan Yinmeng’s house, the door closing mercilessly behind her. Her body stiffened as she looked back at the tightly shut door, like a wall between her and Ruan Yinmeng, built solidly without a single crack.

She took a step forward, but stumbled and nearly fell.

She knelt against the wall, her stomach churning and convulsing. She vomited for a long time but didn’t bring anything up, tears streaming down her face. She held back, not wanting to cry, not wanting to cry here, but her breaking emotions were beyond her control. Tears rolled down as she bit her lip hard, yet the choked sobs were still uncontrollable.

Behind the door just a room away, Ruan Yinmeng stood by the door, listening to the suppressed sobs outside, her heart feeling as if it had been stripped of flesh and utterly shattered.

Cry, cry it out, then forget and move on. You’ve lived a bright and wonderful life; don’t linger here any longer.