Chapter 26: What Did I Do to Make You So Afraid?
Liang Youyun arrived home in the late afternoon.
After a simple meal and washing up, she slipped under the covers.
Although these past two days had been enjoyable, they were undeniably exhausting. Coupled with the heat and the crowds of tourists, even the breathtaking scenery and wonderful company couldn’t prevent her mind from feeling utterly tangled.
She felt this was a common ailment of travel, nothing more.
With the lights off and her eyes closed, the irritability only intensified; her heart raced, making sleep impossible.
Memories of being with Jiang Muhe surged like a tide: his posture, his smile, the eyes gazing out from beneath his sunglasses, and those handsome hands of his.
When he held her, her heartbeat raced chaotically; she dared not press too close. Although she wanted to, she couldn’t—she needed to maintain a slight distance, if only for the sake of her own embarrassed conscience.
Youyun’s hand unconsciously brushed against a certain spot on her thigh, recalling how Jiang Muhe had held her there that day. His palm had been facing upward, effortlessly supporting her, even grazing the edge of her breast. Yet the specific details escaped her now; all she remembered was the scorching heat of his hand.
She could only explore on her own. As her fingers glided, her body began to respond. She touched sensitive spots, places that stirred her excitement, imagining it was his hand instead.
Somewhere in that dazed reverie, she found herself once again on the balcony of Muhe’s home.
Jiang Muhe’s unclothed form shifted from clear to blurred, then back to clear again.
Naked, he walked from the bedroom to the balcony, approaching her with a challenge in his voice: “If you’re going to peek at me, don’t blame me for not holding back.”
Youyun wanted to explain, to say she had seen him by accident, but before she could speak, he suddenly covered her lips with one hand.
With just a slight exertion of strength in his arm, he pushed her down.
She wasn’t sure where she lay; everything around her felt soft. Between her lips and teeth were his well-defined fingers. Slowly, he eased his grip, his fingertips brushing against her tongue. The lemon scent lingering on them made her dizzy.
One by one, he removed her clothes, just as he had taken off his own moments before.
Youyun had brought this upon herself and could only submit to his will. Seeing his amused smile and the contempt in his eyes, she wanted to escape, desperately shrinking backward.
But he seized her slender ankles and effortlessly pulled her beneath him.
Before she could doubt his sincerity, her knees were forced apart; shamefully exposed, she awaited his ravage.
Youyun was so nervous she was about to cry. How strange—since meeting him, she had never seen him behave like a rogue; he had always been meticulously caring, attentive to her every need. Who would have thought that beneath it all lay a beast!
The more she thought about it, the angrier she became, yet she found herself utterly powerless.
Jiang Muhe buried his face in the curve of her neck, kissing and nibbling with an intensity that seemed to draw the very marrow from her bones. His wet tongue traced the delicate lobe of her ear, eliciting a soft whimper from Youyun before he lowered his mouth to seal her slightly parted lips.
“Do you like it?”
She heard his heavy, ragged breathing.
“Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted?”
“Admit it, you have feelings for me.”
“Admit it, Liang Youyun…”
Youyun’s face stung from his stubble as tears silently streamed down. No, she couldn’t just sit and wait for disaster; she had to fight back! Seizing the brief moment they broke their kiss to catch her breath, she lunged forward and bit hard at his Adam’s apple—
A handgun pressed against her forehead. Youyun froze in terror, hearing Jiang Muhe’s cold voice: “Don’t make a move if you want to live.”
Yes, he has held a gun and taken down opponents; handling her, a little rabbit like herself, would be effortless for him! Waves of terror crashed over her like a stormy sea, accompanied by overwhelming despair and helplessness. She never expected him to be this kind of person!
Youyun, powerless as a chicken unable to tie its own wings, could only watch helplessly as he tightened his grip around her, his rough palms grinding against her soft body, leaving marks of violation on her snow-white skin. His kisses grew increasingly fierce, his thrusts more out of control. Amidst the exchange of lips and tongues, Youyun closed her eyes in resignation…
The following scene abruptly ended. Liang Youyun jolted awake from her dream.
Looking down, she found her legs spread apart, her hand still pressed against her chest.
It seemed to be a self-indulgent spring dream tinged with horror.
She sat up and slapped herself hard across the face.
Liang Youyun, oh Liang Youyun, have you gone completely mad? It’s just a man; is there any need to crave him like this? So pathetic!
She sat motionless for a long while, wondering if this was heaven’s way of reminding her that this man concealed hidden dangers.
It was also the first time she realized her fantasies about him had become dangerously intense.
Ah, whatever—it’s just a dream; nothing real will ever happen between us.
But then again, could Jiang Muhe actually be that… well, that much of a beast in bed?
She turned on the bedside lamp, reached for her phone, and found it fully charged. Only then did she notice it wasn’t even ten o’clock yet. On WeChat, aside from the message she’d sent Jiang Muhe to confirm she was safe, there was nothing else.
She stared blankly at the screen.
Suddenly, a message arrived from the other side: “Are you asleep?”
The dream had not yet fully faded; gazing at those words, she felt as though an eternity had passed.
After waiting a moment, she directly initiated a voice call.
“Youyun?” Jiang Muhe’s voice was soft, tinged with uncertainty, afraid of disturbing her yet worried she might have an urgent matter.
“Mm.” Youyun took a deep breath; the weight hanging over her heart finally settled. He wasn’t the Jiang Muhe from her dream.
“Did I wake you?” he asked cautiously.
“Mm.” Youyun responded mechanically, but quickly realized: “Oh, no, I… I had a nightmare and haven’t fully woken up yet.”
On the other end of the line, Jiang Muhe gazed out at the river view. At night, the Lancang River resembled a dark, powerful dragon, winding and surging forward.
Since they parted ways earlier that day, his heart had refused to settle; he found himself longing for the time they had spent together.
He wanted to know what she was doing and longed to talk with her.
“What’s wrong? Do you need something?” Youyun asked, her voice weary.
“Nothing. I just realized we missed quite a few places today, and I didn’t want you to have any regrets. I was wondering if you might have time later—we could explore some more.”
He always got straight to the point, never hiding anything from her.
“Mm, indeed. The time was a bit short.”
“Next time, let’s try a trendy spot that’s also been around for years.”
“Good.”
“Is it settled?”
“Yes.”
There was a moment of silence, yet neither hung up the phone.
Muhe suddenly asked, “What did you dream about?”
Youyun sighed with a smile, “I dreamed of you.”
“Me? What did I do to make you so afraid?” Muhe asked, surprised.
“I dreamed you pointed a gun at me and were about to shoot me.” It was truly laughable yet tearful; Youyun decided to tell him as a joke.
Jiang Muhe stood frozen on the spot, genuinely caught off guard. This was both like him and unlike him.
“…I’m sorry,” he said.
Youyun was amused by his apology. Of course, he was always so gentle and humble; how could he possibly have done such a thing to her?
“What are you apologizing for? It wasn’t real.”
Indeed, it couldn’t have been real, yet Muhe still felt uneasy deep down.
“I must have done something that made you feel uncomfortable. Your subconscious is rather resistant; otherwise, why would you have had such a dream?” he offered by way of explanation.
He is truly more comprehensive than the Duke of Zhou.
But only Liang Youyun herself knows why she had such a dream; it was simply because she craved him!
“Youyun, are you perhaps… afraid of me?” he asked tentatively, though the question left him feeling utterly at a loss.
Rather than fear, it would be more accurate to say she cared deeply.
But Youyun knew deep down that this concern stemmed from not understanding him. She wasn’t sure what kind of person he was; just as Zhang He had said, he was complex and clever, and she didn’t know his intentions in approaching her. Perhaps he simply wanted to seize the moment for pleasure.
Although she had felt such impulses herself, she still believed it wasn’t worth the risk.
Even just imagining it or having a casual dream about it felt this thrilling. The damp underwear was proof. If it actually happened, would she be able to handle it?
Seeing that she didn’t answer, Muhe softened his tone and began chatting with her.
“To outsiders, I may indeed seem strange—abandoning my own parents to care for someone else’s here in Xishuangbanna. Selfish, cold-hearted, unfilial… Do you feel the same way?”
“No, never!” Youyun declared firmly. “The Jiang Muhe I know is not that kind of person. I don’t know what happened in your family or what your relationship with your parents is like, and I won’t ask; those are your private matters. I judge only based on what I’ve seen and experienced myself. Everything you’ve done for Yan’en’s parents has been right before my eyes. If even that invites gossip and criticism, then it’s the critics who are selfish.”
Muhe listened, his tense expression gradually relaxing.
In his heart, her approval of him carried immense weight.
He harbored a certain degree of perfectionism.
“Given how much you approve of me, it’s hard to imagine me treating you that way in your dream.”
Youyun felt he was being a bit unfair; it was only a dream, yet he still held onto it. But she couldn’t tell him the truth about her dream—how could she possibly admit she had fantasized about him?
“Perhaps you’ve been too good to me, and that’s put pressure on me.”
Silence fell on the other end of the line. Jiang Muhe was also pondering this matter; his calm voice had a soothing effect in the night.
“Youyun, I understand what you mean. I admit, sometimes I don’t know how to express myself properly. I may have overdone certain things, causing you pressure. I hope you won’t blame me. If you do blame me, that’s fine too, but please tell me why. That way, I’ll know how to act differently in the future.”
Youyun leaned against the headboard, a pillow propped behind her waist. Listening to him speak felt more reassuring than being in his presence; she didn’t have to meet those deep eyes of his, so her heart didn’t race, and her questions grew bolder.
“Jiang Muhe, have you really never been in love?”
“…No.”
“I don’t seem like it.”
“What would make me seem like it?” he asked, genuinely puzzled.
“Anyway, it’s not like you. You’re too well-rounded, especially too considerate of others’ feelings. You always speak calmly and deliberately, skilled at resolving issues. I don’t believe such abilities are innate; without enduring countless trials and refinements, how could one become so eloquent and adept? Unless someone taught you.”
Muhe laughed heartily; perhaps Youyun’s frankness made the topic amusing to him. His laughter traveled through the radio waves to reach Youyun’s ears, clear and bright.
“Does it really matter whether I’ve been in a relationship before? To you?”
“…It doesn’t matter.”
“Or do you prefer someone experienced?”
“…” How was she supposed to answer? Any response felt wrong.
“Youyun, have you ever considered that perhaps it’s because of you? I…” He sighed softly. “I can’t ignore your needs.”
Nor can I ignore you.
“Thank you.” Youyun paused for a few seconds before speaking softly.
He was testing her, and she knew it all too well. It was as if he had thrown open a grand door, waiting for her to step inside.
Holding on by sheer willpower, Youyun suppressed the fluttering in her heart and asked him a very practical question: “Jiang Muhe, have you ever considered returning to Beijing to build your career?”
After a brief silence, she heard Muhe let out a helpless chuckle on the other end.
“Don’t you miss home?” she pressed, determined to unravel the obsession she held for him in her heart.
After a few seconds of silence, Muhe said, “Youyun, my home is in Banna.”
So that was it; there was no need to ask further.
It was a heartbreaking answer, but Liang Youyun had to face the reality.
Gathering her courage, she asked one last question: “Then have you ever thought about… coming to Beijing to find me in the future?”
“What do you want from me?”
“I’d like to meet you in Beijing.”
Their breathing, shallow and deep, traveled back and forth over the phone line—a way to ease the awkwardness, to guess each other’s intentions, but certainly not to muster a definite answer.
Youyun wanted to hang up.
She knew she wanted too much, but she couldn’t force anyone.
No explanations or declarations were needed between them; they understood each other perfectly.
Jiang Muhe watched the vibrant city dissolve into neon lights—the vehicles weaving through the streets, the night ferries gliding on the river, even the distant music from the night market—all waiting for him to make his choice.
The whole of Xishuangbanna resembled a vast amusement park, tirelessly operating, with the brilliant lights of the Great Golden Pagoda seemingly never extinguishing at midnight.
His gaze darkened, and somewhere deep within him, a long-sealed mechanism suddenly loosened. For the first time, without the usual cautious deliberation of his mind, he asked Liang Youyun in a hoarse voice:
“Do you really want me to find you?”
Warmed by his gentle, low tone, Youyun’s cheeks burned. After a moment’s pause, she replied:
“…Yes.”
“Then I will go.”