Chapter 16: The Darkest Hour
On a relatively secluded stretch of the Nanla River embankment, Jiang Muhe lit a cigarette and exhaled clouds of smoke over the flowing water.
Feng Duo stood beside him, sizing up his former captain from head to toe. Time seemed to have left no mark on him, save for a few wrinkles etched into his face; his physique and muscles remained the epitome of perfection.
Yet he appeared somewhat haggard.
Feng Duo assumed he was still blaming himself for Yan En’s fate, trying to make amends through his actions. Ever since Jiang Muhe decided to come to Xishuangbanna to care for Yan En’s parents, their comrades-in-arms, bound by life-and-death loyalty, had understood that Jiang Muhe would find it difficult to move on.
“Is what you just said true?” Jiang Muhe turned to ask Feng Duo, finishing one cigarette before lighting another.
“Have I ever lied to you, Brother Mu? No matter how long it takes or how difficult it becomes, even if he dies in the remotest corner of the earth, we will still find a way to dig him up and whip his corpse; otherwise, we cannot face our fallen comrades.”
“Laos, Thailand, Myanmar—they’re practically setting up shop in lawless zones, yet there’s not a single clue.”
“Impatience won’t get you hot tofu.”
“I’m impatient? Wait six years?”
“Don’t say that, Brother Mu. I owe you too much; we all owe you too much.”
“Cut the nonsense. Get to work.” Mu He dismissed them with a scornful glance.
“Brother Mu, let me be straight with you: victory is in sight, likely within the next six months! A new round of joint counter-terrorism operations with Southeast Asian nations has already begun. Cases of this magnitude will definitely be coordinated across the entire bureau; they won’t leave you to face it alone!”
Feng Duo made a promise, then added, “Of course, I didn’t mean to imply that you’re not up to it.”
Jiang Muhe smiled helplessly. “I’m barely keeping up myself. Over the past two years, I’ve clearly felt unable to keep pace during training.”
“No way, brother! You’ve been retired for nearly six years, you’re a man approaching forty, yet you still compare yourself to active-duty soldiers. Who else has your kind of perseverance?”
“Otherwise, what would I do with my free time?”
“Find a wife, have children. Once this busy period is over, return to Beijing to take over your father’s position. Brother, it’s time you had your own life.”
“This is my life.”
“Brother, your parents are getting old. Even if they were somewhat unreasonable in their youth, blood is thicker than water. What insurmountable barrier could there possibly be between family members?”
Jiang Muhe’s cigarette was nearly finished. He tapped it against the trash can and was about to light another when Feng Duo stopped him: “You’ve already smoked three in a row. Did something happen, brother? I remember you didn’t used to smoke.”
Afraid he would press further, Jiang Muhe relented, saying he wouldn’t smoke after all, and suggested heading to the riverside bar for a drink.
A concert stage had been set up in the small square beside the bar; under the night sky, the warm yellow lighting lent it a distinctive charm. It seemed this wouldn’t be the kind of screaming rock concert—perhaps his ears could enjoy some peace.
They settled at an outdoor table near the riverbank, ordering several different drinks along with fried and cold-dressed snacks.
Just as they were chatting, they heard the host on stage delivering the opening remarks. The microphone’s echo was so loud that the words were indistinct, yet this did not prevent Jiang Muhe from catching the three characters that pierced his heart—Liang Youyun.
She had come to give a speech.
Jiang Muhe instinctively glanced toward the stage. It was low, crowded, and dimly lit, making it impossible to distinguish anyone.
What would it matter even if he could see clearly? He smiled self-mockingly and drained his glass of fresh beer.
About half an hour later, the concert resumed. Some joined in the chorus, while others stepped out from the crowd.
From a distance, Jiang Muhe saw several people—men and women alike—with arms slung over each other’s shoulders, laughing and bantering as they headed toward the bar. Even against the backlight, it was easy to guess how close they were.
As they drew nearer, their features gradually came into focus. Jiang Muhe saw Liang Youyun’s long hair lifted by the wind, her dress swaying gently between the dining tables.
Beside her were Zhang He, Yu Xiang, and a young boy he didn’t recognize. They settled down two rows away, chatting and laughing so loudly that guests at other tables turned to look.
Liang Youyun sat with her back to him, while Zhang He placed the birthday cake he was carrying on a corner of the table.
It seemed they had come to celebrate her birthday.
She had always said that on her birthday, she must drink heavily with friends.
Jiang Muhe leaned back in his chair, resting his elbows on the armrests, fingers interlaced, right leg crossed over left, as if he were about to enjoy a movie or engage in a tough negotiation.
He listened to Feng Duo speak, yet his peripheral vision kept drifting toward their table, where bursts of laughter followed one after another. He sighed deeply; clearly, she was living comfortably, unaffected by anything. The fool turned out to be himself.
Originally, this morning, he had intended to send her a “Happy Birthday” message, but his fingers hesitated over the phone keyboard for so long that he never sent it. He didn’t want to embarrass himself further, nor did he wish to see Liang Youyun’s formal reply.
He realized that during the brief time he had spent with Liang Youyun, he had always carefully maintained a relationship of subtle distance—expressing his thoughts accurately without making her feel overwhelmed or even creeped out.
At this age, talking about love and romance would seem frivolous; all he could do was tentatively understand her needs and ideas, then try to meet them. That was all he could think of, yet she still politely rejected him, without any hesitation or ambiguity.
He was a pragmatic man, capable of navigating the business world with ease, but when it came to Liang Youyun, he hadn’t yet mastered those romantic techniques, even appearing clumsy.
Looking at it from another angle, why should he interfere with her life? He couldn’t offer any promises, let alone companionship.
Heartache, sharp and deep—let it hurt. Hurt enough times, and you stop feeling it altogether. He even came to believe this searing pain, like a brand pressed into flesh, served as a warning—a reminder not to make a complete fool of himself.
“What are you staring at, Brother Mu?”
Feng Duo waved his hand in front of Jiang Muhe’s eyes; Muhe had sat frozen in his seat, unmoving, for nearly ten minutes.
“Oh, nothing.” Muhe shifted his posture, stretching out his legs, then picked up his fork to spear a piece of the already-cut steak.
He blamed Feng Duo, “You should have contacted me earlier. Staying at my place would be better than here. Why not come back with me tonight?”
Feng Duo smiled awkwardly and said, “I know your house is beautiful, but I need… some private space.”
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
“Not yet.”
Jiang Muhe narrowed his eyes, his expression turning serious: “A Duo, you must not do anything that violates discipline.”
Feng Duo rolled his eyes: “Brother, where did your mind go? Do you think I’m that kind of person? I just hate blind dates, that’s why I ran away from home. Otherwise, my countless aunts would have driven me crazy. I’m not someone who follows rules rigidly; I believe in chance encounters—meeting someone naturally. How romantic is that! Maybe I’ll even meet my future partner here by the Nanla River.”
Jiang Muhe smiled disdainfully. Young people were so naive, still talking about chance encounters.
Feng Duo protested: “Has Brother Mu never had such an experience? Meeting a girl by accident, hitting it off, and falling for her?”
Jiang Muhe smiled and shook his head. Suddenly, fragments of memories flashed through his mind: a deep pit, tumbling down, the rainforest, scolding, crying… He felt his heart racing and instinctively glanced again toward Liang Youyun’s table.
So what if it was a chance encounter? What comes after an encounter anyway? Nothing but inviting humiliation upon oneself.
He immediately halted his recollections, straightened his posture, and said, “It’s getting late; let’s stop drinking for today. Come to my place when you have time!”
“Alright, but I must finish this plate of steak first. Can’t waste it; it was expensive!” Feng Duo chuckled awkwardly.
Jiang Muhe handed over the steak, then turned his gaze toward the river.
Yu Xiang poured wine, ate skewers, and even brought over the cake, insisting on lighting candles so Liang Youyun could make a wish while the three of them sang.
“Spare me, little sister,” Youyun pleaded, terrified; she was extremely socially anxious in such situations and felt she had nothing worth wishing for. “I’ll just cut the cake!”
“Fine, fine, it’s your birthday, so you call the shots!” Yu Xiang pouted.
Zhang He noticed they were running low on alcohol and called for a waiter, but no one responded. He stood up to look around, and what he saw made him abruptly sit back down as if he’d uncovered some earth-shattering secret. In a hushed tone, he asked, “Guess who I just saw?”
Liang Youyun tore at the dried beef, asking casually, “Who?”
“Jiang!” Zhang He widened his already small eyes.
“What Jiang? Jiang Muhe?” Yuxiang asked curiously.
“How do you know his name?” Zhang He exclaimed in surprise.
“I just know! Where is he?” Yuxiang replied.
Zhang He swallowed hard: “That guy two rows over by the riverside table, the one staring blankly at the river.”
Yu Xiang stood up to look: “I see him, I see him! So handsome, so handsome! His profile is killing me!”
Xiao Sun also stood up to take a look.
“Can you stop looking already?” Liang Youyun said, exasperated, covering her face with her hand. “Can you all calm down? This is a bar. We can come here to drink, and so can he. It’s perfectly normal!”
She lowered her voice as much as possible, afraid someone nearby might notice the strange behavior at their table. Ever since hearing Jiang Muhe’s name, her heart had burned as if scalded, aching with a sharp, stinging pain.
Yuxiang said, “Why don’t we invite him over? Our table seats six anyway, and his friend looks quite handsome too.”
Youyun replied, “Are you close enough to him to just call him over like that?”
Yuxiang retorted, “Well, you’re close to him!”
Youyun said, “When have I ever been close to him…”
Zhang He asked, “What’s the logic here? I don’t get it. Didn’t you ruin your relationship with Jiang over the phone?”
Yuxiang: “Haven’t you been in touch recently? You haven’t mentioned this person in ages!”
Youyun: “…”
Zhang He: “Did I miss something?”
Yuxiang: “Oh no, they’re getting up to leave! They can’t go!” Waving her hand and calling out loudly, “Brother Jiang! Over here, over here!”
A cold sweat broke out on Liang Youyun’s back; she propped herself up with her arms to shield her face, wanting to hide under the table.
Hearing the call, Jiang Muhe stopped in his tracks, turned slightly, and looked toward the source of the voice—Liang Youyun’s table.
He saw Yu Xiang, the girl who had been drunk earlier, waving at him. Lacking confidence, he pointed to himself with his right index finger, as if asking: Me?
The girl nodded vigorously, called out “Brother Jiang” again, and said, “Sister Youyun is here too!”
There was no point in hiding anymore. Liang Youyun sighed, slowly turned her face, and met Jiang Muhe’s equally puzzled gaze from across the way. She offered him a shy smile. He had lost some weight, his cheekbones were more pronounced, and his hair had grown longer.
She bit her lower lip and waved stiffly.
She noticed Jiang Muhe’s hesitation; he was likely worried about the awkwardness of sitting together. But she couldn’t be so petty, so she stood up as well, pulled out the empty seat beside her, and gestured for him and his friend to come over.
Jiang Muhe stared fixedly at her, still not moving a step.
Feng Duo, however, could no longer contain himself; he wanted to join them for a drink, declaring that his chance encounter had arrived.
With no other choice, Muhe also made his way over.
Feng Duo took a seat beside Yu Xiang and Xiao Sun. Jiang Muhe sat down on the side with Youyun and Zhang He, pulling his chair slightly toward the edge to maintain a proper distance from Youyun.
He was afraid of annoying her.
“We meet again,” Youyun greeted softly, not daring to look him in the eyes.
“What a coincidence,” he replied indifferently.
This coldness made the fire burning in Youyun’s heart rage even fiercer, and her heart ache all the more.
After the introductions, Feng Duo spotted the cake and asked whose birthday it was.
Yuxiang replied enthusiastically, “It’s Sister Youyun’s! You have no idea; she never celebrates her birthday! If I hadn’t looked through her resume and discovered today was her special day, she would have slipped away again! Besides, this year is unique since she’s leaving soon, so we simply had to give her a surprise!”
Then, beaming with pride, she asked Liang Youyun, “Are you surprised? Are you happy, Sister Youyun?”
“…Surprised and happy. Thank you all.”
If life has a darkest hour, it is surely now. The lies have been exposed, her body laid bare; overwhelmed with shame and powerless to explain, Liang Youyun has already steeled herself to let everything fall apart.
Jiang Muhe lowered his gaze and said nothing.
Feng Duo, curious, followed Yuxiang in calling her “Sister Youyun” and asked what she meant by “leaving soon.”
Youyun explained, “I’ve been stationed in this village; my two-year term is nearly up.”
Zhang He appeared extremely excited, showing great care for Jiang Muhe by placing all the newly served dishes on his side and asking the waiter to bring another dozen beers.
Jiang Muhe poured wine for himself and for Youyun, remaining silent otherwise, as if he weren’t even there.
Even so, Youyun couldn’t ignore him. Not only was she unable to disregard his presence, but it became even more pronounced; even his soft, steady breathing made her cheeks burn with heat.
Gathering her courage, Youyun cautiously glanced over, trying to keep her expression natural, and whispered softly, “Would you like some cake? It’s cheese-flavored.”
“Alright, thank you.” Jiang Muhe nodded.
Youyun dragged the cake over, cut a slice onto a paper plate, inserted a plastic fork, and handed it to him.
Jiang Muhe took it and, in his deep voice, said to her once more, “Happy birthday.”
Youyun offered a faint smile, feeling that those words, “Happy birthday,” sounded deeply ironic.
After that sentence, there was nothing more to say, yet Youyun knew he wasn’t like this.
Perhaps he was punishing her, punishing her for deceiving him.
So was he intending to retaliate in kind?