Chapter 138

The water in the bath had already grown half-cold.

Feeling the warm, delicate touch of her fingertips tracing the scars on his back, Xie Zheng’s entire body tensed unconsciously. The muscles across his shoulders and back tightened, and the veins stood out on the back of the hand resting on the edge of the tub.

The alcohol still left his head throbbing.

Hearing the hoarseness in her voice, he forced himself to remain clear-headed enough to answer.

“It doesn’t hurt.”

Fan Changyu’s fingers followed the long scar running down his back. Looking at the nearly half-inch-wide mark, she said softly,

“Of course it doesn’t hurt now. What about before it healed?”

Xie Zheng lowered his eyes.

The candlelight cast a warm glow across his dark lashes, softening the sharp lines of his face.

He seemed lost in thought.

His lashes cast shadows over his eyes as he replied,

“It didn’t hurt then either.”

Fan Changyu felt as though a damp lump of cotton had lodged itself in her chest.

She lifted her head and blinked rapidly, forcing back the tears threatening to gather in her eyes.

Unable to bear looking at the scarred landscape of his back any longer, she turned her head away and muttered hoarsely:

“Liar.”

Anger crept into her voice.

“You pushed yourself this far. Weren’t you afraid of dying on the battlefield?”

“Didn’t you still want revenge against Wei Yan?”

“Was this really how you planned to get your revenge?”

Xie Zheng remained silent for a while before answering.

“When those wounds hurt, I knew I was still alive.”

Fan Changyu froze.

His voice was low and rough.

He laughed softly.

“When you chased after me from Chongzhou with injuries all over your body, I watched you crying on horseback and thought… to hell with revenge.”

“To hell with everything.”

“Just stop crying, alright?”

“But my surname is Xie.”

“My father was Xie Linshan.”

“I can barely remember what he looked like anymore, but I still remember his chest and abdomen being stitched together after they cut him open.”

“I still remember the shape of those sixty-seven arrow wounds.”

“If I died, maybe I could have stayed with you without guilt.”

“But as long as I’m alive, I can’t allow myself even the slightest connection to you.”

Hearing him speak of General Xie’s death again, Fan Changyu felt her heart ache.

Her voice trembled.

“I never blamed you.”

“I never blamed you that day…”

Even as an outsider, she found General Xie’s tragic death unbearable to hear about.

How much worse must it have been for his own son?

Even Zhu Youchang had once believed her father was a traitor.

How could she possibly prove her father’s innocence to Xie Zheng without any evidence?

Even now, whenever she thought back to that day, all she felt was pain and helplessness.

Xie Zheng raised a hand and brushed away the tears rolling down her cheeks.

Whether he was drunk or sober, she could not tell.

He merely murmured:

“Why are you crying again?”

His thumb stroked her cheek.

Within his dark, intoxicated eyes were reflected both her face and the flickering candlelight.

“Back then, you were always crying in my dreams too.”

“At first, I thought that as long as I never saw you again, I’d eventually let go.”

“But even after I stopped trying to learn anything about you, you still wouldn’t leave me in peace.”

“Sometimes we’d still be in Lin’an Town one moment. You’d smile and call my name.”

“And the next moment you’d be wearing wedding robes, marrying someone else.”

“He was refined and scholarly. A scholar, perhaps.”

“The wedding hall echoed with people shouting for you to bow before Heaven and Earth.”

“You were veiled, bowing beside him.”

“The corners of your lips curved upward.”

“You looked happy.”

His voice faltered.

The drunken haze in his eyes abruptly turned cold and frightening.

The hand caressing her cheek tightened.

Yet beneath the fierceness in his voice was unmistakable grievance.

“You always know exactly how to torture me.”

“What are physical wounds compared to that?”

“They don’t compare to even a fraction of the pain of watching you marry someone else in my dreams.”

“I wanted to chop that man into pieces.”

“When I woke and saw the bed curtains, the anger still wouldn’t fade.”

“But I was happy too.”

“Because I finally understood.”

“I couldn’t bear to see you belong to someone else.”

“Luckily… it wasn’t too late.”

Even with most of his reason dulled by alcohol, he swallowed the final thought.

If she had truly married another man, he would have stolen her back even if he had to exterminate the groom’s entire family.

Then he’d chop the man into pieces and feed him to the dogs.

She was his.

Only his.

Anyone who dared covet her deserved to die.

Those dark, twisted impulses buried deep in his bones were like the final gate restraining the monster within him.

Even he despised them.

He could never let her know.

If she knew, she would surely avoid him like a plague.

Fan Changyu’s cheek hurt slightly from the roughness of his thumb, but she didn’t pull away.

Listening to him recount those lonely days after their separation, her own heart ached.

The more she learned about him, the more she understood how difficult that choice had been.

She grabbed the hand wiping away her tears and pressed it firmly against her cheek.

Her tear-filled eyes shone brightly as she looked at him.

“Xie Zheng.”

“From now on, let’s stay together properly.”

“And you’re not allowed to mistreat your body anymore.”

When those bright eyes stared at someone without blinking, it seemed as though the entire world lost its color.

Only the warmth in her gaze remained.

Like sunlight on a winter afternoon.

Like ice melting beneath gentle warmth.

Xie Zheng stared into her eyes for a long time.

Then he gently touched her cheek.

“It wasn’t self-destruction.”

Thinking of the scars covering his back, Fan Changyu’s eyes reddened again.

“Your back looks like that and you still say it wasn’t?”

“The Xie family rules state that anyone guilty of a serious offense receives one hundred and eight lashes.”

“Once I’ve taken those one hundred and eight lashes, my sins are absolved.”

“Then I can come find you openly.”

“And someday, I can marry you properly and bring you into the Xie family.”

Fan Changyu’s eyelashes trembled.

No matter how hard she tried to hold back, a tear rolled down her cheek and fell into the bathwater.

Ripples spread across the surface.

No wonder.

No wonder after the celebration banquet in Lu City, he had said he no longer cared whether her surname was Fan or Meng.

He had already paid for it in his own way.

Covering her eyes with one hand, she tilted her head upward.

Still, she couldn’t hide the sob in her throat.

“What am I supposed to do with you?”

Perhaps it was the alcohol.

Perhaps it was not.

But there seemed to be a trace of redness in Xie Zheng’s eyes as well.

His voice was rough.

“I want to take Meng Changyu as my wife.”

“Will you agree?”

The ache in her chest only intensified.

She felt as though all that emotion had risen into her nose and throat.

Looking at the breathtakingly handsome man before her, his black hair soaked through with water, she answered seriously:

“If you marry me, I’ll marry you.”

His dark eyes locked onto hers.

“No regrets?”

Fan Changyu met his gaze.

“You’re already trying to take back what you just said?”

She glared at him, a hint of challenge in her tone.

Xie Zheng said nothing.

A large hand suddenly settled behind her head.

He pulled her downward.

The next instant, her breath was stolen away.

He had drunk a great deal of wine.

The rich scent of alcohol spread between them as he kissed her.

Fan Changyu felt strangely dizzy.

The kiss was fierce.

By the time he finally released her, her lips were tingling.

Half-supporting herself against the edge of the tub, she could only gasp for breath.

Her cheeks were flushed.

Her eyes shimmered with moisture.

The front of her clothes had been soaked through.

Xie Zheng’s breathing stalled.

The darkness in his eyes deepened.

It felt as though a fire had ignited in the freezing air.

His blood roared through every vein.

Suddenly, he stood.

Stepping out of the tub, he lifted her effortlessly and set her on a nearby table.

Looking once at her slightly swollen lips, he lowered his head and kissed her again.

His gaze was dark enough to consume her whole.

Fan Changyu’s back struck the screen behind the table.

A muffled sound escaped her lips before her breath was stolen again.

Her stubborn nature made her want to regain the upper hand.

But he held her firmly.

Eventually, she grew dizzy.

When the ties of her clothing loosened, she instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck.

His damp hair brushed against her skin.

The cool sensation sent shivers through her.

Like a wolf starved through an endless winter finally finding food, he seemed unsure where to begin.

His movements lacked gentleness.

They were almost rough.

Fan Changyu frowned slightly and drew in a quiet breath.

Patting his shoulder lightly, she said in a softened voice:

“You… be gentler.”

The last time he left Jizhou, he’d left marks that took days to fade.

Xie Zheng finally relented.

Lifting his head, his eyes were already bloodshot.

A vein stood out sharply on his neck.

He looked almost frightening.

His breathing was scorching.

Yet his voice remained steady, though terribly hoarse.

“Are you not afraid?”

The candlelight reflected in Fan Changyu’s eyes.

They were warm and gentle, like dawn breaking through morning mist.

She asked softly:

“Afraid of what?”

Unable to resist, Xie Zheng kissed her again.

Only after a long while did he rest his forehead against hers and say almost bitterly:

“The man you’ve decided to marry isn’t exactly a good person.”

Fan Changyu reached up and touched his face.

“I have eyes.”

“I know exactly what kind of person you are.”

Xie Zheng said darkly:

“What if I’ve only been pretending in front of you?”

Fan Changyu lifted her eyes and deliberately teased him.

“Then… maybe I should think about it again?”

The hands gripping her shoulders tightened instantly.

His expression darkened.

“Too late.”

There was ruthlessness in his eyes.

Beneath his calm exterior lay a brokenness even he didn’t fully understand.

“Fan Changyu.”

“In this lifetime, you’re stuck with a bastard like me.”

She had only been teasing him.

But hearing him speak so harshly about himself made her heart ache.

How could she not know what kind of person he was?

Leaning forward, she kissed his cheek.

“Then let’s stay tied together.”

“They say good people die young.”

“If you’re a bad person, maybe that will make me even happier.”