Chapter 15

Song Jianan pulled open the car door and slid into the seat, immediately sinking back against it. She didn’t even want to move. A full day of interviews had completely drained her. She leaned against Xu Yan’s shoulder and collapsed with a groan.

“I’m exhausted. My legs were trembling from standing all morning, and this afternoon I barely closed my mouth once. Thank goodness there’s such a thing as a voice recorder, or my finger would have fallen off from taking notes.”

Xu Yan looked at her curiously.

“So, who did you see today? Any big names? Did you meet Yu Dan, Yi Zhongtian, Annie Baby, Guo Jingming, Yan Chongnian, or Yu Qiuyu?”

Song Jianan thought for a moment.

“Our main interview today was with Teacher Liu Xinwu. I saw some of the others, but I didn’t really pay much attention.”

“What’s the old gentleman like?”

“He seemed like a very humble person. His speaking style is completely different from his writing. Maybe he’d had unpleasant experiences dealing with reporters before, because he answered every question very cautiously. He was low-key, even a little dull. But what impressed me most was that after the interview, the publisher invited him to dinner, and he declined. He simply said goodbye to us, turned around, and walked toward the street. Watching him from behind as he disappeared into the crowd… he really looked like nothing more than an ordinary person before he was swallowed up by the sea of people.”

Xu Yan laughed.

“What kind of article is that? Are you writing a news report or a sentimental essay?”

Song Jianan pouted.

“That’s just how I honestly felt. Speaking of sentimental, this afternoon when I saw Guo Jingming’s Rush to the Dead Summer, I got emotional. Oh, I even have a signed copy.”

“Oh? Pulled some strings to get it?”

“Yep. Guo Jingming came to our city for a signing four months ago. Our newspaper was even given a special area. I’d never met him before, but I ran into him today. He seemed alright. I heard he’ll be doing another signing in about a month. Maybe because of that incident with Zhuang Yu, he’s pretty cautious around reporters. He doesn’t talk much.”

Xu Yan reached toward Song Jianan’s bag.

“Where’s the book? Let me see it. Why didn’t you get Cry Me a Sad River instead?”

“Don’t touch my bag. Go home and pet a dog if you want to touch something. I’ll show you the book when we get back to the hotel.”

She smiled.

“I haven’t read the one you mentioned. I like Rush to the Dead Summer more. I still remember reading it during class in my junior year. I cried so hard that I couldn’t get over it for three whole days.”

“Oh, so you were practically dying of grief.”

Song Jianan shot her a weak glare.

“Auntie Xu, stop ruining the rare romantic mood I’ve managed to build up. I’m reminiscing about the beautiful years of youth!”

Traffic was terrible the whole way back.

By the time they arrived at the hotel, it was already quite late.

Song Jianan began muttering that she was hungry again.

The hotel’s western restaurant was still open, so she sat down and ordered a dessert. Then she pulled the book from her bag and handed it to Xu Yan.

“Here. Worship it.”

“I don’t think I’ve read this one. It doesn’t seem to be the really popular one.”

“Maybe the subject matter is a little niche. It probably isn’t as commercial, so it doesn’t cater to readers as much.”

Song Jianan scooped up a little whipped cream with her spoon.

“But it’s really good. Worth reading.”

Xu Yan slowly flipped through the pages while Song Jianan absentmindedly sipped her orange juice.

The hotel’s western restaurant was warm and elegant without being overly luxurious, making it easy to relax without realizing it.

Suddenly, Xu Yan spoke softly.

“We both forgot… that the years ahead were still so long.”

“So long that I could fall in love with someone else all over again…”

“…just like I loved you back then.”

She looked up.

There seemed to be tiny lights sparkling in her eyes.

“That’s way too sentimental. I can’t take it anymore.”

Song Jianan wanted to laugh.

The bittersweet chocolate melted slowly in her mouth.

For some reason, her heart stirred, and the words escaped before she could stop them.

“The sad thing is… whenever I meet another man, the only thing I care about is whether there’s even the slightest trace of you between his brows.”

The moment she finished speaking, she froze.

“…Who said that? Why does it sound so familiar?”

The smile slowly faded from her lips.

Only her own voice remained, slow and heavy.

“Xu Yan… this is probably ridiculous.”

“I’ve had a crush on one boy for so long that I don’t even know how many years it’s been.”

“It feels like only yesterday I was still telling him goodnight.”

“And today…”

“…everything has changed.”

“The worst part is that I’ve gotten used to comparing everyone around me to him.”

“I thought I could forget.”

“But the moment I came back here…”

“…I couldn’t stop thinking about him.”

“You know, during college, all of you laughed at me for listening to Bobby Chen and Coldplay, watching Stephen Chow movies, playing tangram puzzles and nine linked rings, talking on the phone until the middle of the night, and hiding in the washroom crying until dawn.”

“You know…”

“I once loved a boy like that.”

Xu Yan was stunned.

She slowly raised a hand to her forehead.

Then laughter escaped her lips.

It gradually became so strong she could barely catch her breath.

“Oh my God, Song Jianan.”

“Are you writing a TV drama? A Korean melodrama?”

“If you like him…”

“Then tell him!”

“So that’s why.”

“Back then, with all those boys around, you wouldn’t even spare them a second glance.”

Song Jianan laughed too.

Even she was surprised by the sound of her own laughter.

The crystal chandeliers scattered dazzling light across the restaurant, making her eyes sting.

The phone in her pocket vibrated gently.

She quietly slipped her hand inside and rejected the unknown call.

“But there’s no chance anymore.”

“Xu Yan…”

“I have a feeling…”

“I’ll never see him again.”

“Do you think I should forget him?”

Xu Yan shook her head.

“I don’t know.”

“If forgetting were really that easy…”

“Maybe people would live much happier lives.”

Although Song Jianan had always wanted to hide those painful memories and make her secret love seem beautiful and romantic, those tangled emotions always resurfaced whenever the sun was shining brightly, mocking her happiness and satisfaction.

When every secret lay exposed beneath the sunlight…

How long would the night that belonged to her become?

If she had only been a little braver back then…

Perhaps saying the words “I like you” wouldn’t have been so difficult.

Even if he had rejected her…

There would have been far fewer regrets.

So much time had passed.

That youthful feeling…

Those pale blue letters from her younger days…

She no longer knew where in her heart they had ultimately been delivered.

—

After seeing Xu Yan off, Song Jianan slowly walked back across the hotel’s lawn.

It was already very late.

Even Guangzhou in October carried a slight chill.

When she reached the elevator, she realized she’d forgotten her room key.

Left with no choice, she headed back to the front desk.

A man dressed like a hotel manager was standing there.

After explaining her situation to the receptionist, Song Jianan happened to glance at the brochure in the manager’s hand.

A face that was both familiar and strangely unfamiliar came into view.

It was like being struck by lightning.

She could feel something pierce straight through her heart, sharp enough to leave her breathless.

Yet…

There was no pain.

She simply stood there in a daze until the receptionist called out to her.

Only then did she snap back to reality.

The manager noticed her unusual stare and looked at her curiously, still wearing a professional smile.

“I’m the hotel lobby manager. May I ask if there’s something you need, miss?”

The man in the photograph carried three parts professionalism, six parts quiet indifference, and one part subtle pride.

The youthful immaturity in his eyes had been replaced by certainty and composure.

He looked…

Exactly like the Su Li in her memories.

She had never imagined…

That she and Su Li would meet again in real life in such a dramatic way.

Her voice sounded so weak that it hardly seemed like her own, as though it had traveled across mountains and seas before reaching him.

“Su Li?”

The lobby manager looked surprised.

He lowered his head to glance at the brochure.

“You know President Su? He’s the president of our hotel.”

As he spoke, he picked up the internal phone.

Still frozen in confusion, Song Jianan heard him say,

“President Su, sorry to disturb you. There’s a guest here looking for you.”

“It seems she’s an old acquaintance.”

—

She simply stood there in the spacious lobby…

Watching Su Li—

whom she hadn’t seen for so many years—

slowly walk toward her in a perfectly tailored black suit.

It felt as though that stretch of time she could never return to…

…was walking toward her as well.

He hadn’t changed much.

He was still the same person she remembered.

Tall.

Lean.

His bearing as clear and refined as jade.

Only now, the unhealthy paleness of his youth had disappeared, replaced by an effortless calm.

If the teenage Su Li had been like a crystal-clear spring, giving off a coolness even in the height of summer…

Then the Su Li standing before her now was like the sea at midnight.

Profound.

Unfathomable.

Impossible to measure.

Impossible to read.

Impossible to predict.

Mysterious.

Restrained.

Su Li.

Su Li.

No one knew what that name truly meant to Song Jianan.

It was as though every ounce of love she would ever possess had already been spent during her youth.

Every bit of affection she had…

Had been exhausted on Su Li alone.

Not even half of it remained for herself.

She had always believed that, in this lifetime, they were destined to be like a bird and a fish—

unable to share the same world.

Yet now…

Without the slightest warning…

He appeared before her.

So suddenly.

So unexpectedly.

He walked toward her.

Real.

Tangibly real.

Song Jianan forced herself to remain standing.

She held onto her composure with every ounce of strength she had, using a calm expression to conceal the storm raging inside her.

Until he smiled faintly and said,

“It’s you?”

Yes.

It’s me.

But…

Who am I?

The girl who attended the same high school as you.

The girl who secretly exchanged text messages with you.

The girl who helped you find Coldplay and Lisa Ono albums.

The girl who kept telling you that everything would get better.

Would you know any of that?

Song Jianan didn’t even know whether he remembered any of it.

Her stiff, icy fingers tightened around the hem of her clothes.

Still smiling calmly, she asked,

“You remember me?”

The corners of his lips curved into a beautiful smile.

It was only the second time in her life that Song Jianan had seen him smile.

“I do.”

“We went to the same school, though we were in different classes.”

“And we received scholarships together.”

So…

He remembered her.

Song Jianan suddenly realized that this was actually the first time they had ever spoken face-to-face.

Before this…

Every conversation they had shared had traveled through telephone signals across countless miles, discussing every little detail of life.

His voice sounded slightly different from over the phone.

Lower.

Cooler.

More distant.

She didn’t know how to respond.

At that very moment…

Both of their phones rang simultaneously.

She hurriedly looked at the caller ID.

It was the chief editor, telling her to return immediately to prepare her article.

Only then did she notice that the call she’d rejected earlier…

Had been from Xi Luoyu.

Meanwhile, Su Li was still talking on his own phone.

He stood with his back to her.

She could vaguely hear that the caller was a woman.

His tone was relaxed.

Natural.

Without any polite formalities.

She quietly guessed…

Their relationship must be very close.

He simply stood there with his back facing her.

Straight.

Tall.

He was no longer the pale, melancholy high school boy she had once known.

He had grown up.

He had his own career.

His own world.

And in that world…

There was no place for her.

She looked at him one last time.

He was still speaking on the phone.

Song Jianan smiled faintly.

Then she turned around…

…and walked away.

—

Back in her room, she showered, finished writing her article, and packed her luggage.

She was so busy that she barely had time to think.

Yet Su Li’s figure lingered in her mind like drifting smoke.

She was utterly exhausted and eventually fell asleep.

But it was a restless sleep.

When she woke, even her hair was damp with sweat.

Their flight was scheduled for ten o’clock the next morning.

While checking out, the receptionist handed her a business card.

It contained Su Li’s contact information.

She also explained that Su Li had gone to a meeting, but if there was anything she wanted to say, she could leave him a message.

Song Jianan smiled helplessly.

She casually slipped the card into her bag.

She picked up a pen…

But didn’t know what to write.

In the end…

She only left her name and phone number.

Nothing else.

What could she possibly say?

The memories she had left him…

Amounted to little more than that.

—

After taking her seat on the plane, Song Jianan suddenly remembered something.

She sent Xi Luoyu a text message.

Perhaps he was busy.

He didn’t reply.

As fewer and fewer passengers remained in the aisle, she took out her phone, preparing to switch it off.

Suddenly…

The screen lit up.

An unfamiliar number.

After hesitating for a moment, she answered.

A voice she knew all too well came through once again.

“Song Jianan…”

“It’s you?”

“I know now.”

“So it really was you.”

Her fingers holding the phone went numb.

She opened her mouth…

But only broken fragments of sound remained trapped in her throat.

Her mind was completely blank.

A flight attendant smiled politely beside her.

“Miss, please turn off your phone. Thank you.”

She quickly closed it.

The call ended abruptly.

The airplane slowly taxied down the runway.

Then came a tremendous surge of acceleration.

The wheels left the ground.

The force pressed her heavily back into her seat.

In the next instant…

The plane was already soaring into the sky.

If only everything buried deep within her memories…

Could also be buried beneath the endless flow of time together with this city.

Goodbye, Su Li.

Goodbye.

At last, her tears burst forth uncontrollably.

Goodbye…

My first love—

the one I can never speak of,

yet can never forget.

That year…

It had been exactly ten years since she first met Su Li.